Should have been said long ago…

September 19, 2012 at 3:20 am (DPChallenge)
Tags: Dpchallenge, family, friendship, loss, love

Dearest Grams,

It’s been a while since I have written you anything and I am very sorry for that. I know we talk all the time, but I know how much you like getting something in the mail so I thought I would drop you a line and give you a few updates since we chatted last.

As you know we have new babies in the family. Jaime’s son MJ is the most beautiful bundle of love. I was lucky enough to see him born, the way you where there for Myki’s birth. I couldn’t be prouder of my sister in that moment. She made it look so easy and I know I will have that memory for the rest of my life. I refer to MJ as my ol’ lil’ turtle because he had this old mans face with all these wrinkles that remind me of those huge turtles that can get to be 100+ years old. And of course, your daughter Cyn has added to her family another beautiful little man, Martin, which we prayed for everyday until he was home safe and sound. It was a long road for Martin but like everyone in this family, he is a fighter. They just turned 2 years old and I see pictures of them all the time, and usually can’t believe my eyes at the size of them. I get to hear them on the phone yelling and laughing and Martin even chats with me when I call. They are both very strong happy boys and I frequently joke that Cyn and Jaime wanted to turn the tables a bit and balance the boy/girl numbers.

Mike and Mandy are together and mom tells me they are good. I talk to Mike once in a while but it’s not easy with the time difference and the busy schedules we both have. They have also had another child, naturally a girl. Haha You know my love for girls. Pink dresses and lacy bonnets, little MaryJane’s and all things pink. What’s not to love. So that makes 3 girls for Mike… And a brand new house. Mom says its cute and that he has been working very hard on it. If there is one thing I know, my brother works hard.

So the big stuff that has changed. Remember Matthew? He is the man I would always be talking to on the computer when I would come up to visit. I know I would drive the family crazy walking around with a laptop chatting away half my vacations at your house. Well turns out I made that crazy move to Australia. I will not lie, it was not the easiest move. It took a lot of organizing and time. Lucky I was taught the how’s and when’s by some great women in this family. Other than the organizing and running around to get it all done, when it came down to moving, I was very much at ease with the decision. Matthew is an amazing person and I couldn’t be luckier to have him in my life.

Mykalyn came with me, of course and as funny as it sounds, it has been a very natural progression of going from an only child to one of 6. Matthew’s boys (the younger 3) spend half their time here and consider her just as much family as they do each other. Matthews older 2 are here less frequently but always seem comfortable around Mykalyn so I hope they too will build that relationship, in time. I couldn’t be happier with everyone’s progress. Matthew and Mykalyn act as if they were just always there for each other and Myki brings tears to my eyes when she calls him dad, or refers to the boys as her brothers.

It’s funny, I was ironing Matthew’s shirt for work the other day (god I’ll be happy to be able to work again-I still hate ironing) and there was a stack on handkerchiefs. In moment’s like these I can’t help but think about Gramps. Matthew reminds me so much of him. His soft-spoken, reserved way about him, but when he is engaged he can be laughing with that deep boisterous laugh and teasing someone for something. The way he always went to work looking pristine with his handkerchief in his pocket and the respect of everyone he knows. Those goofy limericks he would sing when the kids weren’t around. Matthew even makes me laugh in that way only Gramps could do. Matthew even did the ultimate…. not intentionally but it brought tears to my eyes and a laugh to my soul. He was in the bedroom messing with the TV while I was in the living room watching some show, and somehow he made our machine go on the fritz and it was changing channels all over the place. Turns out he didn’t know that would happen but it reminded me of when Gramps would tease you by changing your soaps using the remote from the back room. When Matthew did it, I could even hear you yelling out in my head “Bob, would you knock it off and change it back” with a little laugh out of him in satisfaction. Those memories have always made me feel so happy. Just knowing how lucky I was to have been a witness to it. To be part of it. And now having these moments for myself. It’s come full circle.

I wanted to tell you how lucky I am to have you in my life. You will probably never understand the sheer volume of knowledge I have learned from you over the years. Spending almost every vacation and holiday in your presence has been the biggest gift I could have ever gotten in all the years I have been in this world. You taught me to be kind and compassionate. That soft-spoken has its advantages, haha even if I am still the loudest one in the room. You taught me how to cook, to listen, to laugh, all at the same time.  You taught me how to understand, to appreciate those I love and the things I have, to always lend a hand and work hard. How to cry. To be in the moment but plan for my future. You and Gramps taught me how special true love is. What it looks like and how to nurture it. Both within yourself, and each other, but you also showed me how to teach my daughter those same things for her future. You taught me that life is not always as you think it will turn out, but that the living happens every day and that’s whats important. You are my guide and my rock. And I know that if ever I am having a hard time understanding the path of my life, that I can tell you anything and you will be there to listen.

I need to call mom and tell her how lucky I am to have her as a mom as well. Without her driving every dime she could save, into some crap car so we could spend our free time with you. She made huge sacrifices for the 3 of us.. not because she had to, but because that’s how she made it through her day. She lives for her kids, even now that we are all grown with kids of our own. I would have never learned these lessons without her. She has been an amazing mother, and until I moved away from everyone, I would never have understood any of these life lessons.

This hasn’t been the easiest letter to write. I originally sat down to write a letter to my 16-year-old self for a personal project. But in that moment, I felt my time would be better spent writing to you. You have been such an important part of my world and even if I didn’t always show it before, I wanted you to know now. It’s been over 2 years since I have written you, so I felt this was long over due. It’s been 2 years since I have heard your voice. Gotten those amazing hugs that I loved growing up. I wish I could have made it to your funeral, to have said goodbye, but instead I was with Jaime sharing in the moment MJ was born, as I know that’s where you would have wanted me to be. You always had a way to celebrate life, another lesson I hope to understand some day. Until then, we talk every day, sometimes my family thinks I’m going crazy. I frequently blurt out “I love you” and they all yell it back. And I always have a smile on my face when they do because I’m thinking about you and Gramps up in heaven watching over my wonderful family. My only regret in life… that they will never meet you and Gramps in person, to see all the wonderful things that I could see growing up.

I love you always,

Your favorite Granddaughter (Haha, I won’t tell the others, if you don’t)

Kimberly

 

Love you for always.